The PPC characters who feature in the stories on this site are profiled here. Agents that aren’t strictly mine will be identified by a notation of either a) Free to Use, indicating that they may be written by any PPCer with Official Permission; b) Created by, indicating that someone else introduced them but that anyone may write for them if they give credit; or c) Written by, indicating that they belong to someone else and may only be used with their author’s permission. Agents with no notation are mine and only mine. Please ask for my permission if you want to borrow them.

Written by:	Phobos
Full name:	Barid
Goes by:	Agent Barid
Species:	Jungle Troll
Home continuum:	World of Warcraft
Age:	Unknown
Height:	7’1” upright; 6’4” slouched
Build:	Rangy, arms and legs everywhere
Department:	All-Purpose Department, Warcraft Division
Response center:	1986
Partner:	Agent Brightbeard
Qualifications:	Being from Azeroth; being an expert in Azeroth geography
Top fandom(s):	World of Warcraft
Lust object(s):	Most woman-shaped things
Weapon(s):	Staff, Shadow magic.

Appearance

Barid is a Jungle Troll from the Warcraft Universe. He stands seven foot one when fully upright, but his slouching brings him down to about six four. He has light blue skin and dark blue hair, which he keeps in a thick braid. His tusks are long, though one of them ends abruptly two inches before the other one. The shorter tusk appears to have been broken off. Barid prefers to wear nothing at all, but will put on a robe when leaving the response center.

Personality

Barid is a fun-loving explorer. He tries to find something to laugh about in any situation, which usually means his partner. He enjoys mountain climbing, swimming, and going places where he really has no business being. Barid is also a Witchdoctor and a tailor.

History

Barid joined the PPC after having dispatched a Sue that wandered through a battle to the death that he was involved in with a Dwarf (later his partner). The agents who had been tracking the Sue showed up shortly thereafter to find the Troll Priest and Dwarf Paladin dazed and covered in glitter. Barid and Eamon were transported to Medical to recover from their near-Sue experience.

Upon their release from Medical, the two were recruited into the Warcraft Division of the All-Purpose Department due to the fact that the Division is highly understaffed. They now share a response center and visit their home continuum frequently on missions, and the occasional food run for Barid (due to the clearly racist policy of not feeding Trolls).

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Full name:	Unknown
Goes by:	Agent Cameo
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	Unknown
Age:	20-something
Height:	5’3”
Build:	Able-bodied
Department:	Floaters (formerly)
Response center:	999 (formerly)
Partner:	Agent Supernumerary (formerly)
Qualifications:	Refined homicidal tendencies
Top fandom(s):	Lord of the Rings, various anime
Lust object(s):	Anything that looks like a Noldo
Weapon(s):	Bow and arrows, steel-tipped chopsticks, neuralyzer

Appearance

Short and able-bodied with an unhealthy love of the color orange. She has brown hair that she cuts herself, usually with a dagger or random less-suitable implements, when it gets too long. Most of the time, though, she keeps it in a bun that appears constantly to be on the verge of falling apart, despite the steel-tipped chopsticks stuck through it. Her eyes are gray and tend to contain a glint of some description. However, they are often obscured by orange sunglasses. Think Vash from Trigun, only less cuddly.

Personality

Cameo is the kind of maniac you get along with for your own safety. In fact, she can be pleasant and almost sweet at times, but she’s always waiting for an excuse to pull out the sharp-and-pointies. It is unwise to touch anything of hers without express permission. She is an unrepentant Elf-fancier who enjoys the Noldor in particular (and her ex-partner suffered for his resemblance to that race). She has a particular soft spot for Legolas, though, and any Sue who messes with him can expect a lengthy lecture and a painful death. She also has a fondness for the neuralyzer and using it to her advantage. This is, perhaps, a partial explanation for her general air of scariness—many people, upon meeting her for what they believe to be the first time, get the sense that she knows something they don’t and that they’re lucky to be alive to feel frightened.

History

Cameo essentially appeared in Headquarters one day and no one bothered to make her leave. She joined the Department of Floaters when she latched onto Agent Supernumerary. She proceeded to make his life hell for several years. Their final mission together ended with Nume in FicPsych and Cameo missing in action. Her current whereabouts are unknown. It is to be hoped that FicPsych has her straight-jacketed in a very small padded cell.

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Written by:	Phobos
Full name:	Decima
Goes by:	Agent Decima
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	Harry Potter
Age:	21
Height:	Tall enough to kick your ass
Build:	Average
Department:	Bad Slash
Response center:	9¾
Partner:	None
Qualifications:	Unsquickable, magical ability, “keep up or go home” attitude
Top fandom(s):	Harry Potter, Twilight, Young Wizards, House, M.D.
Lust object(s):	Luna Lovegood
Weapon(s):	Magic

Appearance

Decima is on the short side. She has green eyes and close-cropped red-gold hair. Her usual style of dress is Slytherin robes, over pants and a shirt, and combat boots.

Personality

Decima has a tendency to snap at people she thinks are wasting her time. She is not the best option for pairing with a newbie, due to her “keep up or go home” attitude. She does, however, have a softer side. Coming from a badfic, she feels like she constantly has to prove herself, and she takes any failure very hard.

Decima is a lesbian, which is one reason she chose the DBS. She takes exception to people writing horrible femmeslash, because she feels it is degrading to the entire lesbian community.

She is particularly fond of Luna Lovegood, though Decima has resigned herself to not having any chance with her. She is still fiercely protective of the blonde witch.

History

Decima has been in the DBS for a little while. We assume that she had at least one partner who has since retired or been reassigned, leaving her partnerless.

She was assigned a partner for the mission “I Know What You Did Last Night,” but they never showed up. She was, instead, forced to partner with a civilian. She is still waiting for a new partner to appear, hopefully before her next mission.

Decima was recruited from a badfic. Her original author had “no concept of the Queen’s English,” causing Decima to speak with with an Midwestern American dialect despite being a Hogwarts alumna.

Full name:	Derik
Goes by:	Agent Derik
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	Dragonriders of Pern
Age:	Thirty-something. Ish.
Height:	6’2”
Build:	Well-muscled, particularly strong arms and shoulders
Department:	Mary Sues
Response center:	1110
Partner:	Agent Earwig (2008-2010), Agent Gall (2011-present)
Qualifications:	Former dragonrider, strong sense of duty; fought in the 2008 Mary Sue Invasion
Top fandom(s):	Attack on Titan, Dragonriders of Pern, Harry Potter, How to Train Your Dragon, various fantasy
Lust object(s):	None
Weapon(s):	Twenty-pound sledgehammer

Appearance

Derik is assumed by his author to have been about 34 (Gerard Butler’s age when filming the 2004 PotO movie) at the time of his recruitment, give or take. His current age is impossible to tell for certain due to his badfic origins and wibbly-wobbly HQ time. He could actually be a late-twenty-something or early-forty-something.

Like most dragonriders, Derik is tall and well-muscled, particularly in the chest and shoulders. He has a dark complexion and a square jaw. Almost the entire right side of his face is covered in Threadscar. His eyes are mismatched due to the fact that the right one is damaged and blinded, which gives it a milky blue appearance. His normal eye is hazel. Other people have remarked that he resembles Gerard Butler, but Derik disagrees.

Though he is no longer a dragonrider, Derik still wears his fur-trimmed wherhide flight jacket most of the time. The shoulder knots are simply bronze for his deceased dragon and gray for his never-specified Weyr, which happens to suit HQ perfectly.

Personality

Having lost his dragon means that Derik lives on the edge of sanity. He clings to his sense of duty to keep himself balanced. During missions, he goes by the book and tries to maintain a cautious, focused approach, and he keeps meticulous charge lists, even if circumstances conspire to prevent him from ever reading them in full. However, he is easily pushed into rage or grief when Suvian antics hit a little too close to home, and he has a personal vendetta against Mary Sues that gives him a special zeal for executions.

Between missions, without some specific purpose or expectation to fulfill, he tends to be depressed and hostile. He keeps himself busy with canon research, Indoor-Rules Quiddich and other physical exercise, and, if all else fails, getting drunk with his partner and teammates.

He identifies strongly as a Pernese man. His rebooted past includes Harper training, and he has demonstrated that Pern’s musical heritage holds value for him. He has a trained singing voice (a clear, high-ranging baritone, nothing like that Butler fellow, thankyouverymuch), but he is reluctant to put it to much use, perhaps due in part to his strange status as a Phantom of the Opera photocopy. Having once met a mostly in-character Leroux!Erik in FicPsych, he is not at all comfortable with the parts of himself that recall Erik. However, if not for his dragon’s death, terrible music and doggerel verse would be his top berserk buttons.

History

Derik was recruited by Jennifer Robinson from the crossover “Harry Potter and the Dragonriders of Pern.” (The mission to said badfic may be read here.) He had been cast as the Weyrleader, rider of bronze Skepnadth, and went by the name of E’rik at the time. Essentially, he was a Phantom of the Opera look-alike dragged in by the Weyrwoman Sue to make her look good. He didn’t have very much to do, and Jenni talked him into helping the PPC agents assigned to the fic. During the process of taking down the three Mary Sues in the story, the Weyrwoman’s Sued golden queen attacked Skepnadth and killed him.

He slipped into a catatonic state and spent the next couple of months in FicPsych, where the 2008 Macrovirus Epidemic passed him by. He was shaken back to reality by an encounter with the original Leroux!Erik and later wandered into a Reality Room, where his appearance and background got rebooted into their present canon-respecting state. Meanwhile, the 2008 Mary Sue Invasion had begun, and he came out swinging and fought his way back to FicPsych. Of course, having been immobile for weeks, he then passed out on their doorstep. When the department itself was attacked, though, he roused to help defend it.

Jenni initially nicknamed him dragonrider!Erik to distinguish him from Leroux!Erik, Gerard Butler!Erik, etc. Following the convention of shortening the aforementioned to Lerik and Gerik, dragonrider!Erik became Derik.

His career so far is a bit short due to time slippage. Living with a kender can be very distracting, and he went on only two recorded missions with Earwig in the time they were partnered. In 2011, he was assigned with Gall Knutson to conduct her evaluation, but it seems the time in their mission has an odd relation to time in the rest of the multiverse, because although it began in March 2011, it seems to have ended in the middle of 2012. Upon their return, they were officially partnered together.

The Narrative Laws of Drama seem to think Derik should be tortured with badfic involving dragons—as Gall once pointed out, he is an expert. For better or worse, he’s proven incapable of harming anything draconic, whether it resembles Pernese dragons or not.

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Written by:	Phobos
Full name:	Durotar, Kur’nak
Goes by:	Durotar, Kur’nak
Species:	mini (Wrath Cadet), Orc
Home continuum:	World of Warcraft
Age:	Unknown
Height:	7’1” when stacked up
Build:	One small; the other like an Olympic weightlifter
Department:	Postal
Office:	Unknown
Partner:	N/A
Qualifications:	They are the stuff of postmen. Kur’nak even likes dogs.
Top fandom(s):	N/A
Lust object(s):	None
Weapon(s):	N/A

Appearance

Durotar is a two-and-a-half foot tall, mini-Wrathguard. He has blue-gray skin, sharp nails, and a muscular tail. Kur’nak is a six foot seven inches tall Orc. He has green skin, short red hair, and the musculature of an Olympic weightlifter.

Personality

Despite the fact that he is the size of a small child, Durotar is the more mature of the pair. He acts as a father figure to Kur’nak. Kur’nak was a blank slate when the mini claimed him. He is now learning everything, much as a child would. The Orc has a lust for life and an innocence that is endearing to those close to him.

History

The pair was picked up in the “Warcraft epic” mission of Barid and Brightbeard. The mini was created when the author mistook the name of a place for the name of the person it was named after. Kur’nak was a bit character named Rathkurr who had little use in the story. When the Sue was disposed of, the Orc was left with nothing more than his most basic instincts. When Durotar found the Orc wandering in the middle of nowhere he claimed him as his own. The two are now inseparable. They were put in the Postal Department because Personnel didn’t know what else to do with them.

Written by:	Phobos
Full name:	Eamon Brightbeard
Goes by:	Agent Brightbeard
Species:	Ironforge Dwarf
Home continuum:	World of Warcraft
Age:	Unknown
Height:	4’4”
Build:	Stocky, solid
Department:	All-Purpose Department, Warcraft Division
Response center:	1986
Partner:	Agent Barid
Qualifications:	Being from Azeroth; being a scholar of Azeroth history
Top fandom(s):	World of Warcraft
Lust object(s):	Unknown
Weapon(s):	A large war hammer or mace.

Appearance

Brightbeard is an Ironforge Dwarf from the Warcraft universe. He stands four foot four inches tall. He has a ruddy complexion that is reminiscent of the color of bricks. His hair is sandy blond and he keeps it short, with the exception of his beard. His beard is well kept, long, and luxurious.

Eamon wears simple clothing while not on a mission. Leather pants and a loose linen shirt are the norm. While on a mission he wears silver plate armor and carries a war hammer or mace.

Personality

Eamon is a Paladin who lives a spartan life. He doesn’t clutter his living space with decoration, preferring utilitarian furnishings instead. He keeps his armor polished and his hair and beard neatly trimmed. He is gruff, but fatherly. He is loyal to his friends and deadly to his enemies. In his spare time, Eamon is a practicing blacksmith. He also reads books of history from his home continuum.

History

Brightbeard joined the PPC after having dispatched a Sue that wandered through a battle to the death that he was involved in with a Troll (later his partner). The agents who had been tracking the Sue showed up shortly thereafter to find the Troll Priest and Dwarf Paladin dazed and covered in glitter. Barid and Eamon were transported to Medical to recover from their near-Sue experience.

Upon their release from Medical, the two were recruited into the Warcraft Division of the All-Purpose Department due to the fact that the Division is highly understaffed. They now share a response center and visit their home continuum frequently on missions, and the occasional food run for Barid (due to the clearly racist policy of not feeding Trolls).

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Created by:	Phobos
Full name:	Earwig Slugthrower
Goes by:	Agent Earwig, “Hey, you!”, “Put that back!”
Species:	Kender
Home continuum:	Dragonlance
Age:	30
Height:	3’8”
Build:	Small, lithe
Department:	Mary Sues (formerly)
Response center:	1110 (formerly)
Partner:	Agent Derik (formerly)
Qualifications:	Knowledge of random trivia
Top fandom(s):	Dragonlance, World of Warcraft, various fantasy
Lust object(s):	None
Weapon(s):	Hoopak, fly swatter, half a pastrami sandwich

Appearance

Like all kender, Earwig is small and lithe with a very expressive face. He has brown eyes and brown hair that he wears in the traditional topknot, except for the fringe that sticks out over his forehead. This effect is not improved by the fact that he often has some kind of ridiculous hat on his head.

Earwig’s attire is best described as eclectic. The styles and colors change daily and each article has no real relation to any other article. The only constants are the pouches lining the inside and outside of his clothing and the buttons with which he adorns the outermost layer. He collects buttons.

Personality

In a word, effervescent. Earwig enjoys the traditional kender pastimes of storytelling, meeting new people, borrowing relatives, shiny things, and storytelling. Especially telling stories about his borrowed Uncles Trapspringer and Tasslehoff to new people while their shiny things accidentally fall into his pouches.

History

Earwig was born on Krynn, some time after the War of Souls, in his parents’ two-story, one-ceiling house. (The first story had a ceiling. The second was rather lacking in that department.) He had grown to the ripe old age of eighteen when he hit the road looking for adventure. Ten years later, he appeared in the kitchen of the PPC Lounge. This might have had something to do with the Mary Sue invasion that was going on at the time. It might also be that kender simply attract plotholes. In any case, he next turned up on the inside of a filing cabinet. He escaped through a complex and unnecessary procedure that involved removing the lock from the filing cabinet, picking the lock, replacing it, and then opening the cabinet. Derik found him sitting on top of it, sorting through his pouches, shortly after the invasion ended. The two took to each other and thus a new team of agents was formed.

Earwig’s career so far is a bit short due to time slippage: two years have gone by since his recruitment, but he and his partner haven’t really noticed. Living with a kender can be very distracting, not to mention being one.

Full name:	Elmira Serena Sylphia Saffron
Goes by:	Elms, Nurse Elms
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	Generic D&D fantasy
Age:	21
Height:	5’6”
Build:	Lean, but shapely; strong
Department:	Fictional Psychology
Office:	C-21
Partner:	N/A
Qualifications:	Bartender insight
Top fandom(s):	Unknown
Lust object(s):	Unknown
Weapon(s):	A 1d6 cast-iron skillet or anything blunt and heavy to hand

Appearance

Elms is five foot six and lean, but shapely. She has strong arms, all the better with which to carry heavy trays of drinks and toss unruly patrons out into the gutter—not that she has much call to do either anymore, but still.

She has brown eyes and blonde hair with generous curls that bob against her cheeks when she moves abruptly. She has also taken to wearing corrective lenses since joining the PPC. She favors blue frames.

Her mode of dress is a mix between “bar wench” and “pirate.” She likes being able to wear trousers instead of skirts, but still prefers corsets to bras.

Personality

Elms is a rough-and-tumble, ready-for-anything kind of gal. Shame is an alien concept to her, and she’s always ready to have a laugh at anyone’s expense, including her own. She enjoys all things associated with the word “bawdy.” She learned to fight in the Generic Tavern where she used to work, and she has a knack for wielding blunt, cast-iron cookware offensively. When speaking, it is not uncommon for her to reference gaming terms, such as dump stats, nat-20s, will saves, etc.

Her style of therapy is very much that of the stereotypical bartender: give ’em a drink or two to let them relax and loosen the tongue, let ’em cry on your shoulder if necessary, but keep your distance and don’t go poking around personal territory where you’re not wanted. Agents who want to unburden themselves in a casual, slightly alcohol-scented atmosphere would do well to visit her.

History

Elms hails from a generic Dungeons & Dragons–based fantasyverse where she worked as a tavern wench. She is the daughter of a failed adventurer and a spice merchant.

Her mother was Jenneth Lynwood, a mountain ranger with a snow leopard animal companion. Jenneth was an orphan whose life was saved at the age of eight when a female snow leopard found her lost in the snow and showed her the way to the nearest village, where she was taken in by the local ranger. Eight years later, at the age of sixteen, she came across the same snow leopard dead, having just given birth to a cub, which Jenneth rescued and raised with the help of her guardian. After that, she set off to be an adventurer.

Everything went wrong when she met Jim Saffron, a handsome and notoriously womanizing rogue of a spice merchant. Jenneth, being a kind-hearted, credulous sort, failed her Sense Motive check at every turn and wound up pregnant. That ended her adventuring career, and she was forced to hang up her broadsword and attempt to make a living in the unfamiliar lowlands like a normal person.

Enter Elms, whose mother named her Elmira Serena Sylphia Saffron and probably thought it was beautiful and romantic. Once she gained a say in the matter, she abandoned it in favor of a catchy acrostic. Elms had a fair bit of her father in her and quickly grew dissatisfied with the meager living her mother was able to provide as a middling hunter-trapper who would occasionally be taken advantage of by local and passing men, which did at least earn her an extra silver or bit of food here and there. Elms grew up and gained her independence in a hurry. She found work as a server in the local tavern, where she learned to love the customers with their stories and their bawdy antics. She also learned to efficiently beat them back with anything to hand when they got too bawdy.

Exactly how she came to the PPC is unknown, but it’s likely that some adventurers did something stupid to screw with the fabric of reality. Perhaps they opened a faulty dimension door in the cellar while trying to remove the ubiquitous rat infestation. This is the kind of shenanigans adventurers get up to.

In any case, Elms stuck around to see what she could make of herself in a new environment. In the process, she befriended the FicPsych staff and, since she had nothing better to do, was shanghaied into helping out. She stayed on when she found herself a niche there, and became a full-time nurse.

Public Domain
Full name:	Philip Freedenberg
Goes by:	Doctor Freedenberg, Doc, Phil
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	Earth
Age:	Yes
Height:	5’10”
Build:	A little soft with age
Department:	Fictional Psychology
Office:	C-2
Partner:	N/A
Qualifications:	A Ph.D., being human, and having legs
Top fandom(s):	N/A
Lust object(s):	None
Weapon(s):	HFA-modified wand

Appearance

Dr. Freedenberg has a reputation for looking like Alec Guinness. He comes off as a genial, grandfatherly figure in tweed, utterly inoffensive and nonthreatening to all but those who come in with a phobia of grandfatherly figures (which, sadly, is quite a few). He has a near-permanent smile and gentle speaking voice.

Personality

Not one to be trifled with. He brooks no argument with his treatment, not from canons or agents. Being exceptionally well-versed in his art, he is capable of changing people’s minds for them; it is a rare individual who ever realizes what happened. At the same time, he is patient, understanding, and sometimes a little goofy.

History

Shortly after the Psychology Department, as it was formerly known, was formed, Dr. Philip Freedenberg signed up, and he’s been there ever since. Freedenberg now shares the responsibilities of Director of the Department of Fictional Psychology with the Kudzu Vine on the basis that an Earth human is better-equipped to understand the needs of the characters whose creators are also Earth humans and who may even be Earth humans themselves. While the Kudzu could be described as a glorified secretary, sitting in an office doing paperwork all day, Freedenberg is required to make rounds of the Department and oversee the treatment of all the souls that pass through on a daily basis. He often takes an active role in the rehabilitation of recruits who come in traumatized or lacking a workable personality. One notable example is Agent Ithalond, an Elven ex-bit character from that notorious badfic, “Celebrian.” The doctor has his office in room C-2, which actually consists of an anteroom for dealing with patients and a separate work and living space beyond. The anteroom is bright egg-yolk yellow, and Freedenberg’s secretary is a Hooloovoo who goes by the name of Frank. Such are the luxuries of rank.

Full name:	Gall Knutson
Goes by:	Gall
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	How to Train Your Dragon (film)
Age:	20
Height:	5’4”
Build:	Tough, very strong
Department:	Mary Sues
Response center:	1110
Partner:	Agent Derik
Qualifications:	A sense of adventure, sarcasm, and a dislike of Sues
Top fandom(s):	Ones with dragons and fighting in
Lust object(s):	None, though Derik might want to watch himself
Weapon(s):	A large, wicked-looking mace.

Appearance

As a Viking, Gall is fair-skinned with blue eyes. Her hair is a dark reddish color, and most of the time she keeps it in a fairly scruffy-looking braid that hangs between her shoulder blades. She is very strong and carries herself like a tall person, but in reality she’s five foot four and finds herself looking up at most people. The fact that she can punch their lights out in most cases makes up for it, though.

She is not a big fan of the all-black style that many agents wear, and instead prefers a bit more color—most notably, red. She has a set of armor from her home ’verse, comprised mainly of leather decorated with a bone motif (not that she would use the word “motif”). Her helmet is adorned with curling dragon horns.

At right, she is pictured in costume as Hawkgirl.

Personality

Though no longer the simple bully she once was, Gall does like to be in charge, and doesn’t take kindly to anyone telling her what to do unless they can back it up with their fists. On the other hand, once the pecking order has been established, she doesn’t have any trouble following orders. She is fearless in combat, loyal to her comrades, and an all-around wise-mouthed badass.

Dragon

Gall is from a time shortly after the end of the movie, so she was raised with the idea of dragons and Vikings living and working together. Her companion is a blue Monstrous Nightmare called Fellrazer. He is highly intelligent and well-trained to follow Gall’s commands without hesitation, though left to his own devices he is a fairly laid-back fellow, perfectly content to bask in whatever warmth is available. He doesn’t tolerate threats to his rider, though.

Due to some gee-whizzery on the part of DoSAT, Fellrazer spends most of his time about the size of a large dog. He can, however, be returned to his normal, very very large size—or even bigger—with the twist of a dial, which Gall wears like a wristwatch.

History

Gall is from a badfic called “The Girl and Her Dragon” (read the mission to it here), where she and Fellrazer were cast as your basic schoolyard bullies to the story’s Sue, Kana, and her Night Fury CAF. At the time, she was called Luga and her dragon didn’t have a name. Then-Luga supposedly had a problem with the partnership between Vikings and dragons, despite her own relationship to one. She picked on Kana because the latter was basically useless and also because she was Hiccup’s daughter.

These traits drew the attention of Derik and Earwig, the agents assigned to the fic. Earwig made friends with her early on in the mission, and after she was banished for nearly killing Kana (although the bad grammar in the story made it such that neither she nor her dragon actually touched the girl), she became independent of the fic. She missed the odd time shifts of the story, which allowed her to age normally and also gave her plenty of time to come up with a more fitting name for herself and her companion. Later on, she returned of her own volition, leading the “Rebel Vikings” who randomly appeared to attack Berk. Derik and Earwig stepped in to take over the operation, which did not please Gall, but Derik’s extreme level of rage at the situation convinced her to back off and follow his leadership for the takedown of the Sue.

Given the chance to lead an exciting life of hunting down “freaks" like Kana, Gall enthusiastically joined up on the condition that she could take Fellrazer with her. There was a bit of conflict over this point, but she did eventually get her way. Sort of.

As of 2011, she is officially assigned with Agent Derik in the DMS. However, thanks to relative time differentials (or some such), they didn’t get back from their first mission together until the middle of 2012—just in time to join the All-HQ Australian Indoor-Rules Quiddich League.

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Full name:	Ilraen-Aroline-Fothergill
Goes by:	Agent Ilraen
Species:	Andalite
Home continuum:	Animorphs
Age:	Young adult
Height:	6’1” sans stalk eyes
Build:	Deer-centaur-alien; lithe
Department:	Implausible Crossovers
Response center:	999
Partner:	Agent Supernumerary
Qualifications:	The excellent training provided by the Department of Personnel
Top fandom(s):	Animorphs, Harry Potter, Dragonriders of Pern, various others
Lust object(s):	N/A
Weapon(s):	His tail

Appearance

As an Andalite, Ilraen looks like a blue-and-tan centaur with a deer’s lower body and a long, sinuous tail with a scythe-like blade at the end. He has four eyes: two main eyes in the usual humanoid place, which are bright green, and two stalk eyes at the top of his head. His nose is three vertical slits in the middle of his face. He has no mouth, but speaks in thought-speech, represented by triangular brackets. He eats by absorbing nutrients, preferably from grass, through his hooves. Not counting the stalk eyes, he stands at six foot one.

Morphs:

• Human: willowy, somewhat androgynous young man with bright ginger hair and green eyes.
• Gold dragon (Pernese): large, though more long than tall; of a rich medium-gold hue.
• Red-orange dragonhawk (WoW): a creature resembling a sea dragon with wings, about four feet long from beak to tail, with bright, translucent feathers on its wings.

Personality

As Ilraen’s mental age has caught up with his physical age, his personality has come a long way from the tabula rasa he started out with. He remains curious, eager to please, and polite by default, but he has gained has a wry, subtle sense of humor that often plays on others’ expectations that, because he’s an Andalite (or even because he’s himself), he won’t understand something he actually does. He devours books, possess keen observational faculties, and learns very quickly.

Raw data isn’t everything, though, and can’t make up for the fact that he never had anything resembling a normal life before the PPC and hasn’t existed that long, chronologically. Subtext and idiom still elude him more often than not, leaving him in his trademark state of blinking befuddlement, and he remains innocent of the particulars of romantic relations. He has a passive awareness of the Mechanics, but it’s a grade-school understanding at best. This is thanks in no small part to his partner’s squeamishness about anything more personal than a handshake, and it doesn’t help that other people who know how innocent he is tend to want to keep him that way for his own protection.

If there’s one thing he knows, though, it is the meaning of friendship. A kind word makes you a friend in his book, and with that come unflinching trust and loyalty. A far cry from typical Andalite aloofness, Ilraen has a compassionate streak a mile wide and will always stop to help his fellows if he can. Over the years, he has adapted well to his partner’s tough love, if it can be called that, and in fact is developing some insight into Nume’s various idiosyncrasies. Ilraen considers it part of his duty to keep an eye on him and safeguard his well-being, even if all the thanks he’ll ever get for it is occasionally being reminded not to die.

The breakup of any canon relationship in badfic is likely to bring out his homicidal side faster than any amount of bad punctuation and spelling. Additionally, his friendship with Jenni Robinson’s young son, Henry, has made him sensitive to the treatment of children. Though he never had an actual childhood himself, his early mental condition was similar enough that he empathizes with them and does not approve of anyone underestimating or taking advantage of them.

His hobbies include journaling, running with Alice and the other rescued horses in the HQ courtyard, and an ongoing project to construct a working CAD from extra pieces donated by DoSAT, which drives Nume up the wall. Ilraen would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy that effect just a little bit. He also joined Team Nevermind in the All-HQ Australian Indoor-Rules Quiddich League for its second season as a way to meet people and hone his combat reflexes.

History

Ilraen was brought to the PPC by Agents Twiggy and Brittany of the Department of Cool and Unusual Punishment after they rescued him from a badfic in which his only role was to use the Escafil device on a Mary Sue. He had no name, no personality, and no description. The first was given to him by Agent Twiggy. The rest came, in time, with intensive therapy in the Department of Fictional Psychology. There, he received a culture implant which included Andalite society, the Animorphs canon, and certain knowledge of his potential.

In theory, this means that he knows how to morph and to use his tail-blade to best advantage. Thusfar, he can hit his intended target and avoid collateral damage with his tail, but he lacks the precision of a trained warrior. As for morphing ability, he acquired a Frolis Maneuver human morph from donors in the Lounge (including Nurse Robinson and Agents Supernumerary, Ginger, and Kit H), but hasn’t quite got it worked out. The process tends to be on the messy side and he can’t morph clothing to save his life or his partner’s sanity. He hasn’t had much better luck with the other two he’s tried, either.

Since his official inception in late 2006, Ilraen has been on six recorded missions with Agent Supernumerary in Implausible Crossovers and a seventh as a crossover consultant with Orken 7861 and Thomas Greenwall. In his own words, he has read “several books of canon” and is “eager to learn.” In the third mission, he learned an important lesson about the effects of badfic on the characters therein, and in the fourth he learned how things can go horribly wrong when an agent lets it get to him. The fifth marked his first official psychotic break, triggered by relentless time distortions throughout and finally the gross misrepresentation of Harry Potter’s treatment by the Dursleys. He recovered and is determined to prevent it from happening again by means of increased personal discipline, including the observation of certain Andalite rituals that he had thusfar neglected. The Ironic Overpower, however, is proving an obstacle.

Outside of missions, Ilraen has been involved in several landmark events in and around HQ. He is a veteran of the Assimilation Crisis, where he helped neuralyze a Borg cube; the 2008 Macrovirus Epidemic and Mary Sue Invasion, where he fought in the battle of the cafeteria; the mass exorcism of Robecca from the land of Narnia; and the Sue invasion of the International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction, where he and the other defenders earned the title of Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Mochi for their efforts. His full title is now Agent Ilraen-Aroline-Fothergill, GCMG. (This may or may not also stand for “God Calls Me God.”)

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Full name:	Jennifer Robinson
Goes by:	Agent Robinson, Nurse Robinson, Jenni
Species:	Human/Power That Is
Home continuum:	An original fantasy ’verse
Age:	30
Height:	5’7”
Build:	Long-limbed, fit
Department:	Fictional Psychology
Office:	C-14
Partner:	N/A
Qualifications:	Her experience as a continuum-hopping fan-character means she’s acquainted with the ins and outs of several ’verses and their people.
Top fandom(s):	Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Dragonriders of Pern, Young Wizards, Phantom of the Opera, Farscape, Jekyll & Hyde, Fullmetal Alchemist
Lust object(s):	Severus Snape, Masterharper Robinton, the Lone Power, Erik (PotO)
Weapon(s):	N/A

Appearance

Jenni uses the form of a human woman. Up until 2012 HST, she didn’t bother aging beyond her apparent twenty-eight years, but started once her adopted son got old enough to notice. She has hunter-green eyes and brown hair that she usually keeps braided; when let loose, it reaches the bottom of her shoulder-blades. She is five foot seven, with long limbs and a body made fit by a job that routinely involves restraining people larger and angrier than herself.

She tends to wear blue jeans and t-shirt, preferring bold primary colors (red, blue, green), often with FicPsych’s white jacket with the exclamation point on the shoulder over top. She is also often seen with a mug of tea or klah, or the means for making one, in hand.

Jenni appeared on Page Three of Issue Eight of the Multiverse Monitor, not wearing blue jeans and a t-shirt, which just goes to show that she has absolutely no shame.

Personality

Most noticeably, Jenni is someone with a need to tend others. She is friendly with just about everyone, but she takes a special shine to anybody who seems ill-used, tragic, or broken. If encouraged at all, and sometimes even in spite of being outright told to stop meddling, she will go out of her way to discover the causes thereof and try to heal them. In the past, this led to borderline-Sue tendencies, but now it mostly just leads to Nume snarking at her.

When not striving to cure the ills of the multiverse, Jenni is easy-going, compassionate, and witty. She enjoys bantering with her more acerbic friends, co-workers, and clients, and tends to see the best in everyone, but she won’t put up with stupidity or anyone hassling her friends. She is not violent and very rarely resorts to physical force to accomplish anything, but she is not above manipulation if she thinks it’ll benefit the subject thereof.

She is apt to love (and although she doesn’t believe in Magical Healing Sex, she is a proponent of its more mundane benefits), but a long, checkered track record makes her cautious about expressing it. As noted above, she has no shame whatsoever, but she does wish to avoid pointlessly making anyone else uncomfortable. While to her mind it is perfectly natural to love any number of people if they need it, most of them tend to not want to share, so she finds herself more alone than not to prevent conflicts. She eschews alcohol precisely to avoid a state of lowered inhibitions that would inevitably end with her snogging somebody (or several somebodies) who might later regret it. (Well, most of the time.) She is not Luxury, though it is safe to assume they “know” each other and get along like a house on fire.

Despite her outer appearance as a young woman, Jenni carries all the memories and experience of her past lives. She can be persuaded to talk about them, but it takes some doing. She tries to live as much like any other person as possible, which precludes even having past lives in most cases, and she isn’t interested in burdening anyone else with her sordid history. The irony of this has repeatedly been pointed out to her, but so far she isn’t budging.

History

Like many PPC agents, Jenni began life as a fan character. She did a fair amount of continuum-hopping in her day, having participated in stories or role-plays concerning Middle-earth, Hogwarts, Pern, and the Phantom of the Opera in addition to a variety of Generic Fantasylands. She spent most of her time in AUs, so her interaction with canon characters was limited to a particular few. Thus, she considers Pern a second home, but she has History of an angsty nature with Severus Snape, the Phantom, and the Lone Power.

All this moving about the multiverse has its explanation in her true identity as an ethereal being from an energy plane she refers to as the Void, which underlies, represents, and supplies the physical side of her home ’verse (and possibly all ’verses). This part of her nature comes with certain supernatural powers, which she is not allowed to use under most circumstances and in fact prefers most others not to know about. She is compelled into physical form by her drive to heal, and also because she enjoys being human. She experimented with other forms in the past, but she likes her current one best. She is aware that she is a character—at least from one perspective—but it doesn’t much bother her, even if things do get a bit meta at times.

Jenni brought herself to the PPC when she perceived that her tendency to meddle in canon was largely frowned upon. (It may or may not have been partly her author’s idea, too.) Her need to fix people led her to the Department of Fictional Psychology, though she was forced to accept a massive personal paradigm shift when it was made plain that she was to stop at undoing the damage caused by badfic. “Fixing” any damage caused by canon is not allowed.

She began as an assistant to the active nurses at the time, gradually learning the ropes and being assessed by her superiors. She had more free time back then, and she spent a lot of it in the PPC Lounge. She will tell stories about the things that happened in the Lounge in those days. Ask her about the Fey Wine Incident sometime.

Since earning her flash patch, Jenni has worked with agents and canons, but focuses mostly on agents, since there’s less risk of lapsing into old habits that way. Despite her protests that she does not lust like a common Sue, the FicPsych staff learned pretty quickly that she was not to be trusted around certain canons and have contrived to keep her away from them on the job. (The Lounge, however, is not like the rest of HQ.)

She lives in her quarters in the department: Section 31, room C-14. When she isn’t busy, she visits friends and past home continua—particularly Pern, since it’s the only way to keep herself supplied with the indigenous hot beverage, klah. Occasionally she also pitches in with the non-lethal departments, such as Implausible Crossovers, where her skill with a neuralyzer is an asset.

During the Macrovirus Epidemic and subsequent Mary Sue Invasion, Jenni helped to keep FicPsych pasted together and to organize the final defense of the Medical Department. She was also called upon to use her telepathic abilities to ascertain the motives and capabilities of mirror!Honesah, who led a controlled force of Daleks to victory against the invading Sues.

Henry

In 2009, Jenni adopted Henry, who was rescued from the fic “Dreams” by Agents Oscar Henson and Iza (read the mission here). Henry is the uncanonical and highly improbable Mpreg child of Harry Potter by Severus Snape. The fact that Henry is biologically related to Severus is certainly what got her attention in the first place, but she flatly denies that this has anything to do with her History. Of course not. She will attest that she has had trouble getting pregnant in the past, though, and in fact has only managed it once in her many lives.

She named Henry after Dr. Henry Jekyll, another person comprised of two parts that naturally abhor each other and really shouldn’t exist as one human being, but also a generally respectable man on a good day.

He has black hair, of course, and it is suspected that he’ll take mostly after Snape in looks, given that his was the only reproductive material that could practically have ended up where Henry came from. Henry’s eyes have clearly become green since Jenni adopted him, however, which just goes to show that some things run deeper than genetics. On his second birthday he “blew” out his candles without actually blowing on them, so does seem to have inherited magic from his fathers.

His favorite toy is a brown plush Pernese fire-lizard, his favorite colors are red and green, and his favorite person aside from his mother is Agent Ilraen.

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Public Domain
Full name:	Kudzu Vine
Goes by:	Kudzu, the Kudzu
Species:	Sentient kudzu vine
Home continuum:	World One
Age:	Yes
Height:	How high is the ceiling? That high.
Build:	Leafy, sprawling
Department:	Fictional Psychology
Office:	C-1
Partner:	N/A
Qualifications:	Yes
Top fandom(s):	N/A
Lust object(s):	None
Weapon(s):	N/A

Appearance

Being a vine and a creeper, the Kudzu takes up quite a bit of space. The inside of her office looks like someone covered the back half of the room, including the desk, with a thick green carpet. Her leaves alternate in threes, are compound, and have 2-3 lobes. Her flowers are purple panicles.

Personality

In general, the Kudzu is less acerbic than her peers, mildly condescending, and every bit as sharp. Some Agents claim she has a southern United States accent. This is patently not true, since she doesn’t have a voice. Their minds are probably just inventing things to make them feel more comfortable. In any case, she gets along well with her staff and most of the other Department Heads, with the Marquis de Sod a notable exception. She thinks the Daisy needs an attitude adjustment. He disagrees. Their relationship is the subject of much speculation around the Bloffee pot.

History

The Kudzu took over the directorship from the Geranium when the Psychology Department became the Department of Fictional Psychology and started taking on agents as well as canon characters. She shares her responsibilities with Dr. Freedenberg. To keep the Department running smoothly, she has her work cut out for her. All the incoming and outgoing canon characters have to be processed and assigned appropriately. So, too, do agents. Her staff, though dedicated, is small and subject to being summoned away to pitch in with the Action Departments, the only positive side of which is that some characters who would be brought in get dealt with in the field. Somehow, though, in all the chaos, the Kudzu manages to keep a tendril (or ten) on the pulse of the place. Her bulk is located in her office, room C-1, but rumor has it that she has creepers running through every wall of FicPsych.

Full name:	Mirrad
Goes by:	Nurse Mirrad
Species:	Minbari
Home continuum:	Babylon 5
Age:	69
Height:	5’5½”
Build:	Light, but surprisingly strong
Department:	Fictional Psychology
Office:	C-12
Partner:	N/A
Qualifications:	Religious Caste upbringing, Ranger training
Top fandom(s):	Babylon 5, other sci-fi
Lust object(s):	None
Weapon(s):	Denn’Bok (Minbari Fighting Pike), Acacia’s sandal

Appearance

Mirrad is a Minbari from the Babylon 5 universe. He is about middle-age for his species, not too tall, brown-eyed, and hairless. Rather than hair, Minbari have a cranial ridge of bone which serves as added protection for their heads. The ridge is an outgrowth of the skull. They also have blue skin coloration around the cranial ridge and extending to about the middle of the top of the head.

On the job, Mirrad prefers robes of light neutral colors: cream, light tan, white, etc. Off the job, he’s a Ranger and dresses in appropriately kick-ass attire.

Personality

Calm, spiritual, and patient, but will not take your crap. The time he doesn’t spend in FicPsych is used in meditation and Denn’Bok exercises. He has a subtle Minbari sense of humor, often hard to catch without actively paying attention—he rarely laughs aloud.

History

In his home continuum, Mirrad was a member of the Religious Caste turned Ranger during the Shadow War. At the age of 52, he took a tumble through hyperspace and ended up in Headquarters about 1996 HST.

Mirrad has survived the Reorganisation, the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter badfic explosions, the restructuring of his department, and the wrath of Acacia Byrd. One of the highlights of his career occurred when he told Acacia to take some time off from assassinating. She threw a sandal at him. He refused to give it back. He’s still alive. Said sandal is now on display in his office, within easy reach should he need it to put the fear of Acacia into anyone.

As of 2011, he is known to be Agent Decima’s therapist.

Full name:	-classified-
Goes by:	Neshomeh, Agent Neshomeh, Agent Soul, Nesh
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	Real World
Age:	28
Height:	5’5”
Build:	Skinny, short torso, pointy elbows
Department:	Personnel (Archivist)
Office:	Unknown
Partner:	N/A
Qualifications:	English B.A., Sigma Tau Delta, HFA graduate, Order of the Sphinx
Top fandom(s):	Animorphs, Babylon 5, Battlestar Galactica (2003), Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dragonriders of Pern, Farscape, Firefly/Serenity, Fullmetal Alchemist, Harry Potter, House M.D., Jekyll & Hyde (book and musical), Lord of the Rings, Phantom of the Opera (Leroux, Kay, and Webber), Young Wizards, various other fantasy, sci-fi, and anime continua.
Lust object(s):	Phobos
Weapon(s):	The Chicago Manual of Style, red pen.

Appearance

Brown-eyed, brown-haired, bespectacled, and long-limbed. She tends to wear jeans and a t-shirt when it’s warm or jeans and a soft fuzzy sweater when it’s cold. She is often seen with a mug of tea in hand.

Neshomeh has occasionally shown that she can shapeshift into a winged cat. In this form, she has tortoiseshell fur and black wings with ginger bands and tips; her face is evenly divided between black on the left and ginger on the right. Her eyes are green.

Personality

Neshomeh is interested in just about everything. More of a listener than a talker, she prefers to sit back and soak up all the information she can before getting involved in any conversation, but may get distracted by her own random train of thought along the way. She enjoys anything to do with language and stories, including reading, writing, and role-playing. She wants to write fantasy and science fiction books eventually. She also likes tea, chocolate, and cats.

She takes time to warm up to people, but with her friends she relaxes and lets her silly side loose. She has even been known to chase shiny things. However, she takes the English language seriously and won’t tolerate bad spelling, punctuation, grammar, or logic. She has perfectionist tendencies when it comes to her own work and eagerly invites constructive criticism.

History

Neshomeh joined the PPC as an agent of the Department of Mary Sues about the year 2004. After struggling to find a partner, she finally was assigned temporarily on one mission with Dafydd Illian and Alec Troven to the newly opened Dragonriders of Pern continuum and promptly realized that she wasn’t really cut out to be an assassin. She transferred to the Department of Personnel, where she has been happy as an archivist even since.

In the meantime, she completed her undergraduate studies and, as of April 18, 2009, is proud of her shiny Bachelor of Arts degree in English. She is also proud of her shiny engagement ring, which she received on the day she graduated, and her shiny wedding ring, which she got on August 6, 2011. She is married to Phobos, who she met at school and dragged into the PPC by virtue of not shutting up about it.

She also attended the Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy and returned for a second year as a member of the Order of the Sphinx.

She is owned by a mini-Budong called Chrichton. Since he is the result of a persistent misspelling in her own early fic, she will probably never get rid of him. Fortunately, he now has a companion in a tiny version of Aeryn Sun, one of the “Austrailiens” spawned in “Secret Agents” and rescued by Ilraen.

She was owned by a mini-Balrog, Arasgorn, and a mini-Aragog, Severe. Then she moved, and the two stayed behind in RC 1110. They are now the problem of Agents Derik and Earwig (but mostly Derik).

Written by:	Phobos
Full name:	-classified-
Goes by:	Phobos, Agent Phobos
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	Real World
Age:	28
Height:	6’1”
Build:	Heavy, broad shoulders, large head
Department:	???
Response center:	???
Partner:	???
Qualifications:	Theatre major
Top fandom(s):	Babylon 5, Battlestar Galactica (2003), The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever, Discworld, Dragonlance, Family Guy, Harry Potter, House M.D., Team Fortress 2, Warcraft Universe, Wheel of Time, various other video games, animes, sci-fi, and fantasy continua.
Lust object(s):	Neshomeh
Weapon(s):	Blunt objects

Appearance

Tall, dark, and handsome are just some of the ways to describe Phobos. Other terms would be broad, hairy, and grinning in such a way as to unsettle those around him. He is generally seen in theatre-standard blacks. He stands a little over six feet tall. He likes to keep his dark brown hair on the long side and usually sports a beard. His eyes are also dark brown.

Personality

Phobos likes to portray himself as “evil” when in reality he falls on the good side of the spectrum. He likes to make enigmatic remarks to confuse his friends. He has a habit of changing accents without realizing what he is doing.

History

On a visit to HQ to visit his then-fiancée, Neshomeh, Phobos got lost and wandered into the Queen Anne’s Lace’s office. The Lace mistook him for a new recruit, slapped a DBS flash patch on him, and hustled him into his first mission before he could protest. Fortunately, he survived to continue his search for the PPC Archives.

Full name:	Not recorded
Goes by:	Agent Supernumerary, Nume
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	Earth, late ’70s
Age:	35
Height:	6’1”
Build:	Thin, wiry
Department:	Implausible Crossovers
Response center:	999
Partner:	Agent Cameo (2003-2006), Agent Ilraen (2006-present)
Qualifications:	Eidetic memory, perfect recall
Top fandom(s):	Anything he’s had a chance to research, but particularly The Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, and classic sci-fi.
Lust object(s):	Spock
Weapon(s):	Sarcasm

Appearance

Nume is six foot one with short black hair and dark gray eyes. He is nearly always groomed impeccably, clean-shaven and a light application of gel to keep his hair from sticking up. He resembles nothing so much as a wiry cross between Hugo Weaving and Leonard Nimoy. He is farsighted, so his green-framed glasses allow him to read without holding the book (or computer screen) at arm’s length. He dresses well, favoring pinstripes and a tie in a cool color palette, but always for utility as well as class. One never knows when one will need sturdy shoes and pants that can stand a trek through the wilderness.

Personality

Acerbic, abrasive, sarcastic, dry... these just begin to cover it. Nume is not a people-person. However, although certainly not nice, he is good. He has shown on occasion that he cares what happens to at least a few people, such as his current partner and Jenni Robinson, who both insist on calling him a friend whether he likes it or not. He seems content to tolerate others as long as he’s not required to be pleasant and no one tries to make him “lighten up” or “open up” or anything else in a skyward trajectory. He can even be said to get along with people who are equally content to mind their own business and not get personal. Eamon Brightbeard, for instance, has earned his respect in this regard.

Nume has an eidetic memory, which means that he remembers everything he’s ever experienced with perfect recall. One can imagine this as both a blessing and a curse for a PPC agent. On the one hand, he knows his canon. On the other hand, he remembers everything he’s ever experienced, which leaves him on edge and irritable. Only the flask of Bleepka at his hip stands between him and a psychotic episode.

Bad biology and bad medicine in particular annoy him more than most other transgressions against good storytelling (both of his parents worked in medicine), and he tends to respond by turning the sarcasm up to eleven and coming up with poetic disposal methods for any offending OCs. However, he can’t deal with even the tamest manifestations of physical romance. He phrased his objections most eloquently to Agent Decima of the DBS when he told her, “Nobody should be writing this, let alone putting it out in public. It’s indecent. ... I don’t care one whit whether it’s two men, a man and a woman, or the Giant Squid and Hogwarts Castle: I don’t want to know about it.” If any nudity or overly fond touching cross his path, he refuses to look and complains loudly until it’s over.

He does have a sense of humor, but it tends to come at other people’s expense.

History

Pre-PPC, Nume had a fairly standard birth on November 10, 1950, in the northeastern United States; two well-to-do, doctorly parents; and a quite normal name. His early education was rigidly Catholic, which is something he deliberately refuses to acknowledge and, in fact, delights in flouting with his tendency to blaspheme. He grew up in the late heyday of now-classic science fiction and eschewed the popular boogie culture of the ’60s and ’70s in favor of Star Trek and Tolkien.

His exceptional memory made him the target of all sorts of unwanted attention, but with the intelligence to match, he learned how to avoid it by the time he made it to high school. However, as an extremely awkward, gawky, and geeky youth, he was not able to avoid having his head stuffed into a toilet at least once. College proved better for him, though suffering through four years of slobs for roommates grated on his sense of decorum (but ultimately prepared him for life in a response center). In this time he also discovered that girls like tall, dark men who can recite literature and, after one or two roundly disappointing experiences, that he prefers not to attract them.

He majored in English literature because it was a field that demanded more of his mind than memorization and pattern recognition, and reading the classics fueled his understanding of and appreciation for his preferred fantasy and science fiction. With the intent of bringing these cult genres more into the mainstream one day, thus ending the ridicule of his fellow geeks, he continued to graduate school planning to eventually become a professor. The youth of the world should probably be quite relieved that did not happen.

Agent Supernumerary disappeared from his university library in the winter of Real World year 1976 and appeared in Headquarters in 2003 HST. L-space may or may not be to blame. Nume was twenty-five at the time, immersed in graduate studies. He was somewhat shocked to discover that two movies based on The Lord of the Rings had been produced, considering that the books had been published only a few years after he had been born and that he had left the Real World prior to the advent of the Ralph Bakshi and the Rankin-Bass films. (To his annoyance, he also missed the original theatrical release of Star Wars by just one year.) He was even more shocked to learn of the existence of fanfiction as an Internet phenomenon. When he realized the threat to canon posed by badfic, he quickly renounced his former life, including his real name, and signed up.

He began his career in the Department of Floaters, working with Agent Cameo primarily in Tolkienverse, but also dabbling in crossovers and eventually fic set entirely in other ’verses as he caught up with more recently produced continua. He also completed a year at the Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy to broaden his scope and gain some skills, though this took place outside of his “official” timeline due to the way OFUs work. Despite severe personality conflicts with Cameo, he continued with her until sometime during 2006, when Nurse Robinson got thoroughly sick of seeing him in FicPsych and talked him into applying for a new partner. At the same time, he decided that his talents would be better utilized in Implausible Crossovers. The Lichen was happy to receive a new team, so the only thing left in order for the transfer to go through was to dig up a partner—preferably a non-psychotic one this time.

Meanwhile, Nume and Cameo were tapped for a special group mission to a very special fic, which ended unfinished with Nume being the only one to make it back to Headquarters. He already had a regular Bleep-stuff regimen to manage his memory, but this marks the completion of his escalation to Bleepka and his acquisition of a larger hip flask. He spent an undefined amount of time recovering in FicPsych and, in an uncharacteristic act of mercy on the part of Upstairs, was only given light duty until a replacement partner could be found.

Nurse Robinson again played a part by recommending the newly recruited Ilraen-Aroline-Fothergill. Nume was initially quite keen to work with an Andalite, given the species’ tendency toward advanced intelligence and emotional coolness, not to mention the promise of a very useful morphing ability; but due to the Laws of Narrative Irony, Ilraen turned out to not precisely fit the mold.

Nume makes it his business to be an expert on any continuum in which he finds himself, and so he spends his off-duty time consuming any media he can get his hands on. Having skipped twenty-seven years of history, he finds he has a lot to catch up on. Seven years and HQ’s distorted passage of time has helped make up for the gap, but he still has a long way to go. New sci-fi particularly intrigues him, but he can’t seem to escape Harry Potter on the job.

Outside of missions, Nume has been involved in several landmark events in and around HQ. He is a veteran of the Assimilation Crisis, where he helped neuralyze a Borg cube; the 2008 Macrovirus Epidemic and Mary Sue Invasion, where he fought in was unconscious for the battle of the cafeteria; the mass exorcism of Robecca from the land of Narnia; and the Sue invasion of the International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction, where he and the other defenders earned the title of Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Mochi for their efforts. His full title is now Agent Supernumerary, BA, GCMG. (The latter may or may not also stand for “God Calls Me God.”)

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Created by:	Nenya
Full name:	Suzine Sachs
Goes by:	Head Nurse Suzine, Nurse Suzine
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	Unknown
Age:	37
Height:	5’5”
Build:	Broad hips, otherwise average
Department:	Fictional Psychology
Office:	C-3
Partner:	N/A
Qualifications:	Experience
Top fandom(s):	Unknown
Lust object(s):	None
Weapon(s):	N/A

Appearance

Suzine is a woman who knows where everything goes, and this is reflected in her appearance. Her black hair is straight and seems never to have a strand out of place. She occasionally adorns herself with a flower of some kind--not sentient, of course. She wears purple and white that stays white, which is a minor miracle in a hectic environment like FicPsych. Her eyes are almost as dark as her hair.

Personality

Her most important trait is her love of organization. It occasionally drives her to the brink of insanity, but the rest of the time it enables her to keep her nurses from tripping over each other as they work. She is the person to ask if you don’t know where to find someone or something, and if she doesn’t happen to know the answer, she knows who to ask.

Suzine genuinely cares about the people under her, but she cares about the department as a whole even more. She can come off as stern, even prickly, but she means well. In a round-about sort of way. With professional courtesy, at least. In private, she is on a first-name basis with Dr. Freedenberg and Nurse Mirrad due to long association.

History

Suzine has been around FicPsych longer than most of the nurses and she doesn’t tend to hobnob with them, so her origins are unclear. She was there for the Badfic Explosion caused by the Lord of the Rings movies, but whether and how long she was in FicPsych before then is not known.

Nurse Barker

Written by:	Spud Avec
Full name:	Leon Barker
Goes by:	Nurse Barker, Barker
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	Earth
Age:	28
Eyes:	Blue
Hair:	Blue
Height:	Unknown
Build:	Unknown
Office:	C-20

Barker’s canine teeth are filed to sharp points, like a vampire’s. He guards the supply rooms.

Intern Bjørnsen

Written by:	Neshomeh
Full name:	Alex Bjørnsen
Goes by:	Alex
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	Unpublished original sci-fi (Scandinavia)
Age:	18
Eyes:	Grey-blue
Hair:	Blond
Height:	5’8”
Build:	Thin, willowy
Office:	C-16

Alex is the department’s latest nurses’ assistant. He has episodes of precognition, but with HQ time being what it is, they’re as often as not of things that already happened. Sometimes he gets lucky, though. He was kicked out of his home ’verse by his author for being an extraneous mystic in the middle of a high-tech guerrilla war.

Nurse Bogglish

Full name:	Algernon Bogglish
Goes by:	Nurse Bogglish
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	Earth
Age:	35 (deceased)
Eyes:	Gray
Hair:	Black
Height:	5’10”
Build:	Somewhat pudgy, not strong
Office:	—

Bogglish died in the 2008 Macrovirus Epidemic.

Nurse De Grasse

Written by:	SeaTurtle
Full name:	Frédéric De Grasse
Goes by:	Nurse De Grasse
Species:	Human (Cantonese descent)
Home continuum:	Earth (Québec)
Age:	54
Eyes:	Black, almond-shaped
Hair:	Black, slightly graying
Height:	5’11”
Build:	Average
Office:	C-8

Frédéric is very direct and sometimes curt with his patients. He is rather strict with his son, Gaspard (DoI), and expects him to always give 110%—within reasonable bounds, of course. Burnouts tend to decrease productivity. He has a deadpan sense of humor. HIs wife, Nicole, works in the Medical Department.

Nurse Dewstan

Created by:	Nathonea
Full name:	Nathonea Dewstan
Goes by:	Nurse Dewstan, Nathonea
Species:	Human/Borg
Home continuum:	Earth
Age:	Unknown
Eyes:	Hazel
Hair:	Brown
Height:	Unknown
Build:	Unknown
Office:	C-4

Nathonea was assimilated by the Borg during the Assimilation Crisis. She was rescued, but she still has some Borg implants, including the eyepiece and a mechanical arm. Her eyesight and hearing are above average.

Nurse Immac

Created by:	Neshomeh
Full name:	Loquacious Immac
Goes by:	Nurse Immac, Immie
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	Discworld
Age:	24
Eyes:	Brown
Hair:	Brown
Height:	5’1”
Build:	A bit heavy for her height; curvy
Office:	C-13

Immac is irrepressibly cheerful and wants you to be cheerful, too. She’s a little clueless, not 100% situationally aware, but always genuine and helpful. She takes care of the therapy cats.

Nurse Pablum

Full name:	Jann Pablum
Goes by:	Nurse Pablum
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	Earth
Age:	43 (deceased)
Eyes:	Blue
Hair:	Brown, buzzed
Height:	6’0”
Build:	Big, powerful
Office:	—

Pablum died in the 2008 Macrovirus Epidemic.

Nurse Parwill

Created by:	Neshomeh
Full name:	Castor Parwill
Goes by:	Nurse Parwill
Species:	Human
Home continuum:	Star Trek
Age:	28
Eyes:	Blue
Hair:	Flaxen, spiked
Height:	5’9”
Build:	Androgynous, Starfleet-regulation trim
Office:	C-26

Parwill was a Starfleet counselor-in-training before joining the PPC. Parwill is agendered and prefers not to reveal xir biological sex. Xie is the resident expert on all things sci-fi and takes a non-confrontational, optimistic approach to counseling.