Response Center 999 is the home of Supernumerary, a man with an eidetic memory, and Ilraen-Aroline-Fothergill, an Andalite from an Animorphs badfic. They work in the Department of Implausible Crossovers. Whenever a careless writer smashes two or more universes together for no good reason, it’s their job to untangle the worlds, put the canon characters back where they belong, and remove any original characters and other anachronisms that don’t belong anywhere at all. Between Ilraen’s inexperience and Nume’s prickly personality, they often have their work cut out for them.

Supernumerary is a veteran agent who joined up in early 2003. Before being partnered with Ilraen in 2007, he worked with Agent Cameo in the Department of Floaters. Some of their exploits are recorded in “The (Plot)Hole-ish Adventures of Cameo and Supernumerary.” However, their final mission together ended in disaster, and Cameo hasn’t been seen or heard from since. She was a bit of a psycho who liked to play with the neuralyzer a little too much, though, so she is not missed.

Nume and Ilraen are friends with Jennifer Robinson, a nurse in the Department of Fictional Psychology who has known them each for nearly their whole careers and was partly responsible for getting them assigned together. She occasionally helps them out on tricky missions.

The response center itself is dorm-style with sliding Star Trek-style doors. From the main door, the living area is shaped like the state of Utah if it were flipped sideways. The shorter left wall is dominated by the console, but there is some room on the near side for bookshelves and on the far side for a mini-replicator, which is based on the larger Star Trek replicator. (Some previous inhabitants of the RC worked in the Trek Division of the DMS.) Against the longer right wall, there is a bunk bed with a spread of blueish-green grass from the Animorphs universe in the place of a bottom bunk. At the foot of the bed, there is another set of bookshelves. Against the right wall on the other side of the bed, there are even more bookshelves. Against the near wall beside the door, Ilraen has a worktable where he spends some of his free time on his hobby of reconstructing a working CAD. On the opposite side of the room, in the internal walls forming the “nook,” there are doors to the bathroom and a storage closet. Between them, against the far wall, Nume keeps his dresser.

Nume and Ilraen are both sci-fi fans, but with the Harry Potter series being crossed over with everything else in the multiverse, they tend to get a lot of missions there. Nume also particularly favors The Lord of the Rings, and thanks to Cameo, he has experience with quite a bit of anime, too. Since both agents spend lots of time reading and keeping up with popular movies and TV shows, there is very little this team can’t cover effectively. Until the subject matter starts getting a little more, ahem, adult, that is. Ilraen knows nothing about such things and Nume wants nothing to do with them, so it’s always fun when they come up.

Prelude: “Introducing Ilraen”

In which an Andalite recruit gets a culture implant.

Rating: PG/K+ - Some references may be over the heads of children and badfic recruits.

Mission 1: “Family Ties”

In which the agents have an unexpected first mission.

Rating: PG/K+ - Not meant for kids, but not graphic or explicit, either.

Continuum: Harry Potter.

Mission 2: “What Friends Will Do”

In which the agents confront bad science and loud noises.

Rating: PG/K+ - Sarcasm content may exceed daily recommended intake for children.

Continuum: Young Wizards.

Mission 3: “Harry Potter and the Dragonriders of Pern”

In which the agents finally get a crossover and nothing goes as planned.

Rating: PG-13/T - Injury, emotional trauma, and adults who occasionally allude to adult things.

Continua: Dragonriders of Pern and Harry Potter.

Interlude 1: “Ilraen’s Journal”

In which the importance of Bleepka is made clear. Oh, and there was an invasion or something, too.

Rating: PG/K+ - Ilraen’s naivety is family-friendly.

Mission 4: “The Dark Side”

In which RC 999 meets RC 1986 for a combined mission. With surprise guest appearances!

Rating: PG-13/T - It’s all Barid’s fault.

Continua: World of Warcraft and Fullmetal Alchemist.

Interlude 2: “Dirty Laundry”

In which Ilraen-Aroline-Fothergill meets Orken 7861.

Rating: PG/K+ - All Animorphs fans welcome.

Mission 5: “Ring Child”

In which Suicide and Diocletian come along for “evaluation” and Nume says the F-word a lot.

Rating: PG-13/T - Implied disturbing things on the fic’s part and almost everyone losing their cool.

Continua: The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter.

Mission 6: Diptych: “Secret Agents” and “Cosmic Love”

In which Ilraen is given a solo assignment and Nume doesn’t like it.

Rating: PG/K+ (SA); PG-13/T (CL).

Continua: Alex Rider and Harry Potter (SA); Twilight and Harry Potter (CL).

Mission 7: “Blood Raining Night”

In which cleanliness is next to godliness.

Rating: R/M - This is Bleepfic, folks. Not Safe For Work, Not Safe For Brain; warnings for gore, violence, rape, and lots of plain old grossness.

Continua: Hetalia: Axis Powers, InuYasha, The Legend of Korra, Hellsing, Princess Mononoke, and Elfen Lied.

Interlude 3: “Nume: Ten Years Thence”

In which Area 51 is real.

Rating: PG/K+ - Cake for everyone!

Mission 8: “What’s Latin for ‘You Suck’?”

In which Nume crushes Rina’s dreams and their partners try to make it better.

Rating: PG/K+ - Unintentional cruelty to animals, intentional cruelty to agents.

Continua: Ranger’s Apprentice and The Lord of the Rings.

Interlude 4: “First Sight”

In which Ilraen-Aroline-Fothergill meets Farilan-Haothil-Esthine.

Rating: PG/K+ - Classic boy-meets-girl story. With centaur aliens.

Interlude 5: “Second Glance”

In which Ilraen gets a hoof in the door.

Rating: PG/K+ - Full speed ahead, and drat the torpedoes!

Mission 9: “Full Metal and the Hogwarts Mishap”

In which mangled canon characters are not necessarily an agent’s biggest problem.

Rating: PG-13/T - Only low-grade swearing, but lots of shouting and some blood.

Continua: Harry Potter and Fullmetal Alchemist.

Interlude 6: “Third Kind”

In which there are close alien encounters.

Rating: PG/K+ - Just a platonic study date and absolutely nothing more. Nope.

Interlude 7: “The Long Night of Agent Supernumerary”

In which an agent recovers a lost mini, pet, or child in his care.

Rating: PG/K+ - Some moderately strong language, but by the Laws of Narrative Comedy, neither small children nor grumpy adults unwillingly looking after them are ever in any real peril.

Prelude: “Missing Time”

In which the newest member of FicPsych gets her first client, and he hasn’t heard of Bleeprin yet.

Rating: PG-13/T - Low-key existential angst and matters pertaining to mental autonomy, some mild language, and the single allotted F-bomb.

Not part of the main spin-off, but still things that happened to the residents (and former residents) of RC 999, these events are relevant to their development, and are hopefully entertaining. They are presented in chronological in-universe order with approximate dates given in Headquarters Standard Time when possible, but note that the length of time between dates does not necessarily reflect the amount of time experienced by the characters.

“The Scourge of the Scarlet Maiden,” Part 1, Part 2

What: Nume helps Agents Logan and Entropy take out stray badfic characters in the Cafeteria when their mission goes awry. Never mind that he was running away at the time. To be fair, he was probably trying to celebrate his third anniversary of recruitment and didn’t deserve this.

When: February 2006.

Rating: PG-13/T

“Ilraen Gets Human”

What: Ilraen visits the Lounge, meets Nume for the first time, and acquires his human morph.

When: October 23, 2006; two or three weeks after “Introducing Ilraen.”

Rating: G/K - Entire team is babies.

“Operation: Neuralyze!”

What: Nume and Ilraen help neuralyze a Borg cube and round up minis after some unlucky agents get themselves assimilated.

When: December 2006; after Mission 01.

Rating: PG-13/T

“The Youngest Goddess and a PPC Emergency,” Part 1, Part 2

What: Nume and Ilraen (along with half the rest of HQ) help Agents Lunac and Liadan exorcise goddess-Sue Robecca from the Land of Narnia. Their post is the Stone Table.

When: July 2008.

Rating: PG-13/T

“The Great 2009 Genderbend”

What: Nume and Ilraen are caught up in an accidental gender-bender. Ilraen takes it much better than Nume.

When: January 31–February 1, 2009.

Rating: PG/K+

“Henry’s Birthday”

What: Nume and Ilraen attend Henry Robinson’s second birthday party in the Really Very Tiny Auditorium.

When: February 5, 2011.

Rating: G/K - Good clean fun for all audiences.

“Going Postal”

What: Nume and Ilraen each receive a package from the Postal Department.

When: September 2010.

Rating: PG/K+ - “Bright purple object of explicit nature.”

“The International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction”

What: In chapters 71-74, Nume and Ilraen join the effort to contain the OFU’s traditional end-of-term crisis. They are awarded Knights Grand Cross of the Order of the Mochi for their service.

When: May 2011.

Rating: M

“Going Postal 2”

What: Nume receives several very amusing singing telegrams.

When: Fall 2011.

Rating: PG/K+ - Misanthropic language.

“Recovery”

What: Ilraen encounters Agent Cinderella in the Courtyard and provides a sympathetic ear.

When: March 2012.

Rating: PG-13/T

“Recruitment: Team Nevermind”

What: Earwig starts an Australian Indoor-Rules Quiddich team. Ilraen joins, despite Nume’s objections.

When: May 2012.

Rating: PG/K+

“Relocation”

What: Ilraen bumps into Cindy again in line at the Canon Library, returning a book she's looking for.

When: October 2013; after Mission 07.

Rating: PG-13/T

“PPC HQ Hunger Games: Season Two”

What: Ilraen and Nume compete in the second annual-ish PPC HQ Hunger Games and come in 24th and 4th place out of 24. Ilraen is blown up in an explosion set by Foxglove right out of the gate, and Nume is embarrassingly nibbled to death by cats squirrels.

When: January 2015.

Rating: PG-13/T

“In Memoriam”

What: Nume receives some sad news.

When: February 27, 2015.

Rating: PG/K+

“I’ll Do It”

What: Just after Mission 08, Nume has a portentous chat with the Lichen.

When: May 2015.

Rating: PG-13/T

“PPC HQ Hunger Games: Season Three”

What: Ilraen and Nume compete in the third annual-ish PPC HQ Hunger Games and come in 27th and 16th place out of 48. Ilraen is blown up again, this time in a fireball, and Nume dies of “thirst” when Derik stabs him with his own syringe of concentrated potassium chloride solution.

When: January 2016.

Rating: PG-13/T

“Neverfree From Working”

What: Nume and Ilraen help exorcise the Everfree Forest in Unicorn and Zebra form, respectively.

When: ?October? 2016. This event may have happened before June 2016 for Nume and Ilraen.

Rating: PG-13/T

“Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time”

What: Ilraen finally finishes his CAD project. Well, almost. At least it doesn’t explode.

When: April 2016.

Rating: PG-13/T

“Morph”

What: Ilraen passes the ability to morph to Agents Charlotte Webb and Farilan, and he gets to keep his Escafil device afterward.

When: November 2017.

Rating: PG-13/T

“Ten Years Hence: Henry”

What: In the future present, Ilraen appears to be an agent trainer, Henry Robinson is ten, and life in HQ is complicated.

When: Mid-year 2019; semi-canon.

Rating: PG/K+ - Unseemly references to goats.

“Catastrophe Theory: The End Is Nigh!”

What: In an alternative future, Ilraen is known as “the Warhorse.” Repent?

When: 20??; AU.

Rating: PG-13/T - Violence.

Agent Supernumerary is in the habit of picking up odd objects that catch his eye during missions, and Ilraen occasionally follows his example. These can be seen decorating the top of the console, the walls, etc.

The atheme, collected in “Family Ties,” was described as looking like a wand with fingers. It supposedly channeled the Sue’s Druid-princess magic in a special way that kept it from interfering with normal magic. (Of course, regular wands don’t channel magic . . . right?) There is no such thing as an atheme, but the writer might have meant athame, which is a ceremonial knife used in Wicca to channel energy. Apologies to Spirit of Old, but this image was too perfect to pass up.
The dropped bestfrind, collected in “What Friends Will Do,” manifested as a result of bad spelling and characterization when Kit Rodriguez dropped Nita Callahan as his “bestfrind.” Yes, this is what it looks like. No, it will not stab you; nor can it, in fact, talk.
Four Information Insects, collected in “Harry Potter and the Dragonriders of Pern,” were used by Remus Lupin to listen in on Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny when they accidentally transported themselves to Pern. Lupin had apparently convinced Dobby to plant the Insects on the students’ zipper pulls, which gives some indication of their size. The only problem with this plan is that there is no such thing as an Information Insect in the Harry Potter canon, and even if there were, it seems unlikely that the magic would work between universes as it did in the badfic. Still, they could be useful.
This gold skull is an artifact from “The Dark Side,” in which a pronoun disagreement cause there to be gold behind Edward Elric’s face (rather than behind the blue glow of enchantment in his eyes). Ilraen mistook him for a character replacement and assassinated him, much to his chagrin when he learned his mistake. The matter was corrected, thanks to time travel, but Ilraen kept the gold skull as a reminder.
“Flanor,” which manifested as a flannel blanket depicting Fëanor, High King of the Noldor, was picked up in “Ring Child” when it blew in on a strong breeze and entangled Nume. It kept him warm on those nights when Headquarters’ ambient temperature just isn’t good enough until he gave it to Agent Luxury in 2015, in exchange for her help babysitting Henry Robinson. Apologies to Steamey for fuzzifying your beautiful art with amateurish GIMP filters.
Nume took this wand away from Bella Swan during “Cosmic Love,” in which Bella was Remus Lupin’s daughter and a werewolf for no reason that was ever explained. Nume hypothesized that it contains either werewolf fur or vampire sparkles. While it did work for him, its spell energy was uncommonly sparkly. Nume decided not to try using it again, instead trusting to his HFA Muggle-use wand if he ever needs one.