The Department of Fictional Psychology

About the Department of Fictional Psychology

The Department of Fictional Psychology (FicPsych for short) is responsible for two separate but related tasks. Primarily, it must restore canon characters to their normal selves when bad fanfiction mischaracterizes them beyond recognition. Secondarily, it looks after agents and newcomers to the PPC when they look to be a little bit too insane.

The department is co-directed by the Kudzu Vine and Dr. Freedenberg, who, among other qualifications, has legs. Under them is Head Nurse Suzine Sachs, who does a lot of the nitty-gritty scheduling and gives the rest of the nurses their assignments. The most senior nurses under her are Nathonea Dewstan and Mirrad, who were both on the staff during Jay and Acacia’s time. Other nurses include Jennifer Robinson, Elms, Castor Parwill, Leon Barker, and Loquacious Immac. The department also has at least one intern, Alex Bjørnsen. Other staff include Frank, Dr. Freedenberg’s Hooloovoo secretary, and the potted fern, a sentient but unranked Plant that likes to hang around the break room and eat doughnuts when it isn’t making itself useful by relaying messages.

The department bears the sign of the Multiple Exclamation Points, for, in the immortal words of Terry Pratchett, “What sort of person sits down and writes a maniacal laugh? And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.” It is located in Section 31. The entrance is a semi-circular anteroom with three hallways going off from the left-center, left, and right, with a nurses’ station between the left-center and right-hand hallways. The halls lead to Units A, B, and C, respectively.

Unit A houses both the primary ward for canon characters and the secondary ward for agents. This was not always the case. Originally, to ensure the upkeep of the PPC’s minimal interaction policy, agents were obliged to take all their problems to the Medical Department (where canon characters were not taken except in dire emergencies). In early 2003 HST, Medical finally got sick of the endless and often deranged demands for Bleeprin and washed their hands of the matter. Shortly thereafter, the former Head of FicPsych, the Geranium, gave up its position. (It seems that even Flowers can have nervous breakdowns.) Both the primary and secondary wards are strictly outpatient. There is a small inpatient contingent, but because they are best kept in peaceful solitude, the location of their ward is need-to-know only.

Unit B contains storage and other facilities, including the infamous No-Drool Videos in room B-9. “Storage” does indeed mean Bleeprin and similar products. It is extremely inadvisable to search for them, for they are quite well-guarded.

Unit C holds offices and living space for FicPsych personnel. Rumors that the offices and living space are in any way separate are the product of overactive imaginations. Naturally, C-1 and C-2 are occupied by the Kudzu and Dr. Freedenberg, respectively. Unit C also contains communal bathrooms and showers, such as in a dormitory, and a nurses’ lounge/break room with a kitchenette and mini-replicator.

FicPsych divides time into three shifts, roughly eight hours each depending on the day and who’s counting. The morning shift begins at what some would arbitrarily consider 6:00 am and ends at 2:00 pm. The day shift runs from 2:00 pm to 10:00 pm. The night shift runs from 10:00 pm to 6:00 am. Of course, anyone is welcome to set their own clock to a different time if it makes them feel better about when they have to be awake, just as long as they work the shifts they’re supposed to.

Top

Case Files

These stories primarily concern FicPsych personnel and activities and are mainly set in the department.

“At the Sign of the Multiple Exclamation Points” by Nenya: Summary: In which Agent Nenya Gabriel finds herself in the primary ward.; Personnel: Nathonea Dewstan, Constance Sims, the potted fern, Dr. Freedenberg
“Introducing Ilraen” by Neshomeh: Summary: In which an Andalite recruit gets a culture implant.; Personnel: Jennifer Robinson, the Kudzu, Dr. Freedenberg
“Gestalt Therapy” by Neshomeh: Summary: In which the events of March and April, 2008, make the department a difficult place to recover from badfic.; Personnel: All staff.
“A New Patient” by Spud Avec: Summary: In which Nurse Leon Barker admits a troublesome character.; Personnel: Leon Barker, the Kudzu
“Visiting Hours” by Guvnor of Space and Neshomeh: Summary: In which Agent Orken visits his former partner Jeannine Guiles, an inpatient.; Personnel: Suzine Sachs, Castor Parwill
“Therapy Cats” by Neshomeh: Summary: In which EEE, KITTIES!; Personnel: Suzine Sachs, Dr. Freedenberg, Loquacious Immac, Jennifer Robinson, Castor Parwill, Elms
Like a Wink and a Smile, Episode 1: “Crossing the Coffee Table” by Neshomeh and Zingenmir: Summary: In which “two immortals locked in an epic battle until Judgement Day and trumpets sound” is more accurate than you’d think.; Personnel: Jennifer Robinson, Mirrad (mentioned only)
Prelude: “Missing Time” by Neshomeh: Summary: In which the newest member of FicPsych gets her first client, and he hasn’t heard of Bleeprin yet.; Personnel: Jennifer Robinson, Suzine Sachs, Algernon Bogglish (mentioned only), Jann Pablum (mentioned only)
Like a Wink and a Smile, Episode 2: “Attachments” by Neshomeh and Zingenmir: Summary: In which attachments are sent, discussed, and formed.; Personnel: Jennifer Robinson, Mirrad (mentioned only), Gerry (mentioned only)

Top