All worlds now see emerge
The blue-white sparkling surge
In their dark winter night
All worlds have come to know
That storms and wind and snow
Will pass and set things right.

Great Arda, writ in song
Who suffered for so long
Rejoices and displays
The greatest power of love
That shines from up above
And lights their steps with rays

And Hogwarts now replies
With love in countless eyes
That it feels footsteps too;
In Pern love flies around
And Berk rings with the sound
Of hearts that beat anew

The mist rolls out into
Cair Paravel, and through
The lovelorn Aslan’s eyes;
And Redwall Abbey’s spires
Play host to new desires
That none can demonise

All worlds can see the light
Of lust – er, love, pure white
As fresh undriven snow;
The canon matters not,
These guys are super hot,
So let’s enjoy the show...

I have a candle here
It’s been with me all year
I want to light it soon
But badfics say it’s noon

DOGA agents light, we light
Our fires burn so bright
DOGA agents light, we light
Our fires burn so bright!

My flamethrower’s a blast
Just like in all years past
It helps me out a lot
In all the tightest spots

DOGA agents light, we light
Our fires burn so bright
DOGA agents light, we light
Our fires burn so bright!

And when new kingdoms grow
Where none should be, I go
And burn them down so we
Can keep the canon free

DOGA agents light, we light
Our fires burn so bright
DOGA agents light, we light
Our fires burn so bright!

Elrond’s daughter once went out
On the feast of Stephen
Where the snow lay round about
Deep and crisp and even
Brightly shone the moon that night
Though the frost was cruel
When Legolas came in sight
Gathering winter fuel

“Hither, maid, and stand by me,
If thou know’st it telling
Yonder Elf-prince, who is he?
Where and what his dwelling?”
“Ma’am, his name is Legolas
From the realm of Mirkwood
He is son of Thranduil
King of that fair realm”

“Bring me jewels and bring me gowns
Bring my make-up hither,
Thou and I shall see him dine,
On my flawless beauty”
Maid and princess forth they went
Forth they went together
Through the house of Rivendell
To the princess’s room.

In that room the princess dressed
There to woo an Elf-prince
She wore jewels, she wore rubies
And a gown of silver
“See, my good maid, am I not
The fairest of all?
Can Legolas fail to be
Mine for eternity?”

When the door flew open and
Jay and Acy entered
Furious they charged the Sue
And then Acy stabbed her.
They threw her into the fire
Canon was restored
Jay and Acy then returned
To destroy more Sues.

Sues are falling all around me
Agents slaying, having fun
It’s the season for tons of awful fanfics
Merry Christmas, PPC!

Time for parties and celebrations
After we’re done work overtime
Time for presents, the loot from fallen targets
If the Flowers give a dime.

We’re gonna have a party tonight
I’m gonna find that Sue
in the plot hole where she hides, I’ll use my dynamite!

Canon’s swaying, Sues are spreading
All the old songs we love to hear
This once claims she’s Harry’s long lost sister
What a nice way to spend the year

We’re gonna have a party tonight
I’m gonna find that Sue
in the plot hole where she hides, I’ll use my dynamite!

Sues are falling, all around me
Agents slaying, having fun
It’s the season for tons of awful fanfics
Merry Christmas, PPC!
Merry Christmas, PPC!

We’ve got so many missions here!
There’s just so much to do!
How did we get another ere
We’d slain Belle Baggins? No clue!
And now that Shelob’s dined upon
The latest Gary Stu,
Tumnus has a CD player now!
Please tell me that’s not true!

Set disguises, and go in!
(Beep! Go! Track! Charge! Slay! Repeat!)
Set the universe on track once again!
(Track! Charge! Slay! Again!)
Set that computerized tech alight!
Neuralyze everyone in sight!
Then we come back here,
To find that Fangorn Forest has disappeared!

So when the Ents got their home back,
What we get is so rare:
To our great delight and joy, we
Actually get time to spare!
We helped an Ewok Pyro for
Light Festival prepare.
Then we get a mission once again,
It never ends, I swear!

Now a Gimli lemon we
(Track! Charge! Ex-or-cise! Repeat!)
Have that wrecks all sane biology!
(Charge Sue! Slay! Again!)
Worse than Morsimos’ satyr plays
Was this lemon we were sent to slay!
Back in the RC,
We took Bleeprin for our sanity.

All five of these eliminations
Filled sixteen hours.
We must have recuperation.
To sleeping stations!

All too soon, the console sends
Us a mission dire again.
And we’ve only got three hours’ sleep; it never ends!
AAH!

We portal to Imladris now;
She sparkles? Yes; I fear
A Twilight vampire pays a call
To fall in love with Elrohir
Forgotten are Thuringwethil,
And Carcharoth. Oh dear;
She would join the Fellowship; we portal
Her straight into Anor’s photosphere.

One more Sue! At the RC
(Beep! Go! Track! Charge! Slay! Repeat!)
We’re another mission sent, and we see
(Track! Charge! Slay! Again!)
That a stalker Gary Stu, it seems,
Is messing now with Éowyn’s dreams!
Be repulsed—No, she ditches Faramir!
’Tis time now for the Stu to disappear!
Charge him! Slay him! Memories erase!
Then we go back and—You do not mess with Ace!

Miguel Correa:

Oh, Floating Hyacinth,
Why have you called for me?
Am I in trouble?
What must I do, what do you need?

Floating Hyacinth:

Trainee Correa, I’ve been watching
You are performing your duties well.
One thing troubles me; why did you allow
Kei Amakura to live, pray tell?

Miguel Correa:

Kei and her author explained
Themselves with logic that rang true;
I could not have forgiven myself
If I had killed her—no offense to you.

Floating Hyacinth:

None taken. In any case,
Your time has come.
Trainee, do you swear by Eru
To fight against the uncanon?

Miguel Correa:

In the name of Eru,
I vow to defend
Canon from Sues and bad OCs
Until my life ends.

Both:

Agents rejoice, rejoice
Welcome your new comrade
May your partners be loyal
And you never go mad.