Chanukah, O Chanukah, come light the menorah
Kids have a party, we’ll learn what’s in store-a
Gather round together, we’ll give you some drinks
Dreidels to play with and no missions (we think).
And while we are singing
The candles are burning high
One for each night, they shed a sweet light,
and give us hope that canon is nigh!

This day, a year ago, he was rolling in the snow
With a younger brother
In his father’s yard
Christmas break, a time for touching home,
The only world he’d known,
And leaving was so hard.

Now he’s countless worlds away, hunting Sues on Christmas day,
Earning double time,
If he’s ever paid at all
Well, he always said he’d make it on his own
The temporary partner’s going.
First Christmas,
Away from home

She’s in King’s Cross train station, nicking canons’ change,
Four more Galleons buys
Oblivion in her room
Well it looks like she’s for Rudi’s after all,
And the sighs of pity all
Will echo like a tomb

But it’s warm and clean and she can think of worse places to be,
And at least it means
No beating from her dad,
And if she cries because it’s Christmas Day,
She hopes that it won’t show,
First Christmas,
Away from home

By the console there stands a little tree,
And it looks so small and bare,
Not how it ought to be.
Weeping Angel on the top,
It’s not that same old silver star
You wanted for your own
First Christmas,
Away from home.

In the morning there’s his meds, then it’s crafts with those in beds,
Then another meal,
In what they call his room.
Hoping that his friends will think to call,
If they think of him at all,
It’s best they do it soon.

When his partner passed away he fell apart more every day,
Each had always kept the other,
Pretty well.
But the Flowers said that FicPsych would be best,
’Cause he couldn’t live alone,
First Christmas,
Away from home.

He watches them sedate the Christmas Tree,
And he’s huge and he’s cold and lifeless,
Not how he ought to be,
And the lit-up flashing Santa Claus on top,
It’s not that same old silver star,
You once made for your own
First Christmas,
Away from home.

You know Dafydd and Ilraen and Bulldog and Barid
Tawaki and Cupid and Gremlin and Makes-Things
But do you recall the most famous agents of all?

Ja-a-ay and Acacia
Killed themselves a lot of Sues
But if you ever asked them
They might say it wasn’t true

All of the nasty Flowers
Tried to take away their pay
But brave Jay and Acacia
Continued to save the day!

Then one badfic in Loh-tee-ar
Drove them quite insane
Boromir was kissing Sues
Legolas suddenly turned gay!

So then Jay and Acacia
Decided to run away
The moral of this story
Is agents should really get paid!

Down through the roof, do raindrops fall?
We are the ones you should give a call.
Is the Four-S now on the blink?
We’ll fix it; that way you can think.

We maintain PPC grounds,
Be it in HQ or the town.
And if aught breaks, we shall come quick.
And what needs fixing we shall fix.

Crisis supplies we keep maintained
And make sure that they’re up-to-date.
Parks are maintained by greenspace teams.
And th’HQ pool we keep quite clean

We maintain PPC grounds,
Be they in HQ or the town.
And if aught breaks, we shall come quick.
And what needs fixing we shall fix.

We’re not called when Doctor Four’s not odd,
Or Pinkie Pie’s written as Sweeney Todd,
Or Arwen’s sister woos Boromir
And makes Gimli’s wits disappear.

But if we were not around
The PPC would fall to th’ground
So, let’s maintain the PPC
That Sues may not victorious be!

You know Delta and Lily and ShyIon and Kitsune,
Comet and Cipher and July and Ixi.
But do you recall the most unknown returnbie of all?

Maslab the Unknown Returnbie
Popped onto the Discord one day
And if you ever saw him
You may even recognize his name

All of the other Discorders
Had to deal with all his puns
They all wanted Maslab
To make a post on the Board

Then one random December Day
Comet went and said
Maslab with your puns so many
Could I make a filk on this?

Then he went ahead and returned
And we shouted out with glee
Maslab the Unknown Returnbie
You’ll go down in history!

Are you murdering in festive black and red?
Are you dragging canons out of Santa’s bed?
Are the Snowman and the Snowdog
crossed with Call of Duty Three?
Is an alien wizard doubling as your tree?

Yes, here it is, Merry Christmas
From the generator crew.
Please go kill more badfics,
We are all begging you-u-u...!

Because Conan-Doyle is spinning like a top
And Disney’s endless whirling just won’t stop
We’ve got Tolkien, we’ve got Lewis,
And they’re dancing a gavotte;
They’re all turning and creating gigawatts...!

So here it is, Merry Christmas
From the generator team.
Please cut down our workload;
We all need to let off ste-e-eam...!

So while rivetting the tinsel to your walls
(And fleeing Building Maint’nance down the halls)
Spare a thought for those who keep you
In light and heat and such,
But please don’t come to visit; we are shut!

So here it is, Merry Christmas
From the generator mob.
Please don’t call us ‘Shrinies’;
That’s not really our jo-o-ob...!

Yes, one more time, Merry Christmas,
From the generator peeps.
Please make your resolution
To leave us all in pe-e-eace...!

(Sleep walk) My eyelids are lured to the darkness of fanfic,
Like glitter softly killing a canon,
I should’ve known nothing repeats.
The hands of rewrite erase me,
However, it’s strange that I’m crying from the bottom of my heart.

I can see the goodfic in everything mundane,
Even in the smoky air of the crowded OFUs.
Since I don’t want to lose the burning glimmer of everyday moments,
I start to walk.

(Grayish dawn) Daybreak reveals yet another fic,
Even in the warmth of the sand between my fingers.
But I’ll walk forward, won’t there be something waiting there?
This surely is my fanfiction,
I sing, with a distant story in my heart.

I can see the goodfic in the mundane tomorrows,
It’s the same voices, the same meetings; that’s all it is.
Pain grazes this life of mine,
Brightly lights it and strokes it, so now I start to walk.

(Till my soul) Even if I’m transformed into a memory,
Nevertheless...

Someone’s love song resounded merrily in the desolate winter,
As if it were my own, my heart trembles.

I can see the goodfic in everything mundane,
Even in the breath of the moment when we hold hands.
Since I don’t want to lose the burning glimmer of everyday moments,
I start to walk.

God help ye hapless PPC
Let none of you dismay
Remember him, the Skarmory
Who graced HQ that day
A crossover of mighty scale
Whose author went astray
Oh bless him of steel, Falchion
Falchion
Like the phoenix he rises again

Incredible, dependable,
A Super girl did rise
To face down a replacement
A beast the bird despised
They tricked the hateful beast into
A deadly hot surprise
Oh bless her of strength, Sarah Squall,
Sarah Squall,
When the Sues come, she fights with her all

There was a man with rainbow hair
Who spread the avian’s word
For he too had escaped despair
Or so Headquarters heard
A white-furred beast had saved his hide
And she too knew this bird
Oh bless him of hope, Rayner B.
Rayner B.
And Rashida Mafdetiti

A wraith, a sword, a dinosaur
Would one day join their cause
A former Sue with hair of blue
Would even give them pause
For they all sought a time of peace
No more of badfic’s flaws
Oh bless them of united strength,
United strength,
And missions of unfathomed length

And when they came to Headquarters
Where our dear Falchion rests,
His voice was one of welcoming
Despite his thorny nest
He took them in and gave them hope
That they’d complete their quest
Oh bless them of friendship and love,
Friendship and love,
Despite the demands from above

Falc, Rashida, Rayner, Eve,
Together they prevail,
Ripper, Sarah, Cupid, Lapis,
Through rain, snow, or hail,
Whitney, Backslash, are there more?
The chaos this entails,
Due to all the agents I write,
Agents I write,
I’m not getting any sleep tonight

[Chris]
My Meganium and Volcano Burgers
Warm, fuzzy blankets and Captain Steve Rogers
Days without missions and New Leaf in spring;
These are a few of my favorite things

[Ami]
Rereading Tolkien and all four Princesses
Lettuce and Toon Link and Rarity’s dresses
Orchestral music, especially strings;
These are a few of my favorite things

[Miguel]
Fanfics set during the holiday season
Traveling through time for any old reason
Every song Lin-Manuel Miranda sings;
These are a few of my favorite things!

[Violet]
When the Bleep’s gone,
When Sues have wings,
When I’m feeling sad...

[All]
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad!

[instrumental break]

[Violet]
Amethyst wrestling with Steven beside her
Holiday parties with free food and cider
Guys wearing black suits and little earrings;
These are a few of my favorite things!

[All]
When the Bleep’s gone,
When Sues have wings,
When I’m feeling sad...
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel
So bad!

Silent night! Holy night!
Agents make their RCs bright.
Consoles muffled in blankets deep,
Floaters catch all their needed sleep.
Sues no more shall return!
Sues no more shall return!

Silent night! Holy night!
Suvians hide away in fright.
C-CADS tucked away for now,
Agents in the Courtyard for snow.
Minis drank all the cocoa,
Minis drank all the cocoa.

Silent night! Holy night!
SIs quake at the sight.
Agents wreak vengeance for Faramir.
Thranduil’s head is still not clear.
Agents get holiday pay!
Agents get holiday pay!

These are your bad fics
Please take our advice
You’ve never written the nice ones anyway
And we’re in a bad mood
See I’ve been writing a list
The gift you’re receiving from me
Will be

One ironic dispatch
And two hopes we cry ourselves to sleep
Staying up, waiting by the console
And all we want this year is for you to dedicate your last breath to us
Before you make us go insane

Don’t write fics for Christmas
You’re the last thing we wanna see
On the console
Merry Christmas, we could care less

Happy New Year, badfic
You owe us
The best gift we will ever ask for
Don’t call us up, when the axe comes down
It’s the only thing we want this year

One ironic dispatch
And two hopes we cry ourselves to sleep
Staying up, waiting by the console
And all we want this year is for you to dedicate your last breath to us
Before you make us go insane

Don’t write fics for Christmas
You’re the last thing we wanna see
On the console
Merry Christmas, we could care less

Don’t write fics for Christmas
You’re the last thing we wanna see
On the console (Don’t write fics for Christmas)
Merry Christmas, we could care less

Don’t write fics for Christmas
You’re the last thing we wanna see
On the console (Don’t write fics for Christmas)
Merry Christmas, we could care less

[A Badfic Author, all speshul and stuff]
Sweet! He did that song again!
He must’ve spent a lot of time on this...
But this one time, this one Christmas I wrote this—
[beeps “Deck the Halls”]